Slept pretty well. Pain was better today. I didn’t spend any time at my desk and feel better for it. I don’t like living horizontally though. But I got out for a short walk with the ice pack. Low anxiety this morning. Decent sleep means so much. The insomnia during a kratom quit is one of the cruelest parts. No amount of Zanaflex gets me back to sleep well. Tamazepam, yes, but I don’t have much of that. That stuff is a godsend during a quit. Keeps the first half of the next day in check also. Anyway, I’m warming up to the idea of just drinking through a week. Take 1 day off clean, the drink the rest of the week away as needed. It’s just a tolerance break. I have no plans on quitting properly. I just can’t with the pain being this bad. I should do like 2 weeks on, 1 week off, and keep that rolling moving forward. We’ll see how it goes. It might be unbearable. I know it’s a terrible idea for quitting, but if I’m not going to quit, then it might not be a bad thing. I don’t know when I will do this. Probably the sooner the better, of course. The meds are helping today, so these plans always get back burnered until I’m in crisis mode like yesterday. I obviously need to plan this and make the decision when I feel good. Go into it on a high note mentally and pain wise so it will be a bit easier. 7g at 10:15 today. Didn’t feel it very much, but since I’ve spent most of the day on the couch, it’s helping out a fair bit. Had a serotonin surge at like 1:30. That was helpful. I guess 8g at 3 or 3:30. I went to Walmart and still felt OK coming home. 4pm came and went. I still feel OK. I guess fuck it. Let’s start now. I just need to get through tomorrow morning then. Maybe after noon I can drink. Kick this shit off. The later the better, of course. But fuck it. Hopefully it doesn’t make me feel completely awful. From what I remember, it was a very yucky, side effect-y feeling. Or maybe I’ll fail completely. Just took 750mg ash and 250 ag. I’ll repeat that tonight before bed and kick it up a bit tomorrow.

By Del