Slept better. Still messed up though. I’ve been managing to distract myself by playing tons of solitaire on my laptop. It got me through yesterday and this morning. Too bad I’m still on drugs. I feel like it could get me through an drug free day. I ordered a back brace and used it this morning. It seemed to help. Did a short walk. Picked up prescription. Playing D2 with ice pack right now. I’ll alternate between ice and the brace and see how that goes. I kind of want to not take kratom this pm. It’s 3pm now. Should I bother? Is the brace a chance for a tolerance break? I did pretty well yesterday and today so far, thanks to the kratom working. It was about a week off without it working when I was fucking with it. Still looking for my tolerance break window I guess. I think I can make it through the evening without today, but is it worth it? One pm off here and there doesn’t actually help. Not 40 days into it. Maybe if it were only a handful of doses a week. I have a tentative grasp on the pain for the day/night I think. I’m going to skip this afternoon’s dose. Fuck it. I know I only got back to feeling decent! I probably need to leave my desk though because sitting fucks me. Went for another short walk. It hurt, but I did it. Still haven’t iced again. Still in the brace. It’s giving me a ‘good’ feeling in my head. Like a serotonin feeling. That might be the kratom working properly again. The pain is more localized and stabbing than central. This is a weird sensation. I don’t feel any kind of withdrawals. I don’t know if I should start taking ash and ag or not. I’m happy to take those if I commit to stopping. I’ll make that determination tomorrow morning. I’m guessing I’m going to take the kratom. I doubt this decent feeling in my head will last. Very low anxiety compared to the last week. I don’t know what’s causing this. I suppose it could be a decrease in pain from stabilizing my spine. It still hurts a lot. Different though. God I hope this lasts. Pain is definitely bad, but I am good. I went for a walk in the church lot and felt alive suddenly. Not too much unlike after a ketamine trip. I could feel. I put the oil nebulizer on and broke out the diffuser. It’s been a long time since I used that. The aroma made me happy. I don’t know what the fuck is happening here, but I need it to continue. Reminds me a bit of when I was in Arizona and ate the grapefruits.