Sleep was OK, but lots of painful wake ups. Slept until about 8. Actually showered and went to CVS for the prescription for gabapentin. Idiots only gave me a 10 day supply. I took 1 before the kratom. It took about 2 hours before I felt it. It made me tired and eased the pain. Nice synergy actually. I wonder what it would do on its own. I took a short walk. Tried another, but turned it into a parking lot walk. Not crying out loud type of pain, but it’s not good. If I can keep that feeling going, it could get me off kratom. But of course, nothing lasts forever. If it lasts enough to get me off kratom, then that’s fine. It’s 2pm and I’m wondering if another gabapentin would help right now. Supposed to be 3 a day. Kratom is definitely fading and pain is coming back. Maybe take some ash and ag along with it? I think the extra pain relief and good feeling is only a synergy with kratom and I wouldn’t feel it on its own. It might be worth a try though. Ready for a week in a vegetative state on the couch, only to go back to kratom in 2 weeks?! I think the ash will potentiate whatever kratom is left in me and burn it out and get me through the day more easily, but tomorrow will be a 3 dose day. Oh yeah, it says to not take gabapentin with alcohol! That kind of fucks everything. I took the ash and ag with the gabapentin at 3:00. Sailed through 4pm pretty easily so far. It takes 2 hours for the gabapentin to kick in. I feel tired from it. I don’t think it will help with pain immediately. I think the kratom is what did it earlier. But I’ll take any opportunity to skip doses or to have some sort of tolerance break. I did a short walk a little while ago. It was rough. Holding my breath, grunting. I didn’t feel the pain locally all that much, and it is central, but somewhere in between. Almost like I was high and didn’t care, but still felt the pain – without actually being high. I don’t know what to do tomorrow morning. Just go with ash/ag/gabapentin? Try a day with alcohol? That ended up buying me like a week’s worth of tolerance last time. It was a shit show though. Pain is very bad, so I still don’t know how to get by without some sort of pain relief. Gabapentin affects me kind of like anti depressants. If I remember correctly, it makes my dick not work right. Pain is bad. I would have liked some relief tonight. I’ve been horizontal all evening. That’s my life without pain medication. No different this time. I think tomorrow morning is going to be quite difficult. Yeah, this is something. I can’t describe this very well. It’s bad though. The gabapentin is treating me like most antidepressants. That feeling that I need to pass out, but I can’t. Exhausted, but can’t sleep. Pain is super bad. Spasms. I can’t deal with the added side effects of the gabapentin. I’m also wondering how I get through the injections. Even if it helps, I might not feel it because the drugs. How do I differentiate withdrawals vs pain and how the injections help. If it’s a home run, do I quit the drugs immediately? When I do that, do the drugs make the pain come back? Panic is at my front door. I know tomorrow will either start with me waking up in horror, or toughing it out until 10:00 and realizing I have an entire day ahead of me with a 10/10 pain level and take the kratom. I always cave to the torture. Just took ash/ag again. It didn’t potentiate or metabolize the kratom like it did before. No effect really. If I try to push through tomorrow without kratom, I will end up getting wasted. Just like what happened last time. I’ll maybe try gabapentin first thing. It makes me tired though and it doesn’t really ease the pain. It was the gabapentin and kratom together that did that earlier today. It probably worth a try though. As the pain is right now…I can’t do it. My anxiety is definitely higher than it has been. I don’t know if this is a withdrawal symptom, or a side effect of the gabapentin. It sucks, for sure. I do feel a touch sweaty ATM, so it could be a bit of withdrawals. Maybe that’s the ash accelerating things. But the ash should help with that. I only have 2 doses, and I think it takes a few days for that to help. Man the pain is bad. I hope I can sleep late so I can hit the kratom at 10 more easily. Otherwise it turns into a 3 dose day.

By Del