Sleep was rough. Woke up a bunch. Seemed deeper than normal though. Took Zanaflex at like 5:30 and slept until about 8:00. 6.5g of green at 9:30. I definitely felt withdrawals in the middle of the night. Not major. I did take a GABA when I wen to bed. Just couldn’t relax and get to sleep. That helped a lot. Kratom was fairly light, though it has helped a lot. Did a short walk in the am. Holy fucking shit is it hot and humid out there. The last 5 days or so have been low humidity, breezy, and a bit on the cooler side. It’s super oppressive out there right now. Just did a church walk and had the crazy thought of taking ketamine today. Like 300 of the RDTs. I almost want to drink through the rest of the night for some reason. I also had the simple thought of simply taking a day and a half off every week for tolerance break. I went back to 6.5g from 7.5 for the morning dose. That day and a half helps a fair amount. If I do it once a week, that keeps me at an OK dose. It was a brutal day yesterday though. I think as long as I don’t have gabapentin in me, I might be OK. It’s not good to drink the same day as kratom though. That is a very bad idea. I don’t know about ketamine. I have feared it so much. It should knock the anxiety out though. That’s always nice. Maybe give me one free day from the drugs tomorrow. Played a game of TAB a little bit ago. Nice to play games. I was remembering playing D2 in Fort Bragg. I had to make myself walk otherwise I would be there all day and my legs would be jello! I was able to walk then also. I miss that ocean walk. Perfect weather. Just reading about ketamine and kratom and it says they use one of the same enzymes. I don’t want to mess with interactions again. This is one of the many ‘committing’ drugs I can use. I was reading through my old logs again and holy fuck. So much pain and struggling. So many different drugs, different things to try, so much desperation and so few victories. It’s amazing I lasted 63 days. I took 1/1 ash/ag. At 3:15 I was feeling decent for some reason. Kratom wasn’t super strong or anything in the am, but fuck it, let’s give it a go. It’s 3:40 now and I feel OK. I know I’ll pay for it in the evening. I’ll maybe pop a few beers. As long as I can keep it to a few I think it will work out. Gotta force the tolerance break in there however I can. I’m thinking every missed dose is ultimately helpful. It doesn’t necessarily lower the tolerance, but it stalls for time at least. I feel decent mentally for some reason, so fuck it. I feel spasmy, but the ice pack is helping. I was playing TAB and lost track of time. Actually, I thought it was much later. It was only 6:30. I could feel my back killing me for a half hour or so. I didn’t want to do what happened a week an a half ago when I got the back brace and felt good. I played games all day and felt horrible the next day. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen. Horror, right from wake up. Went for a church walk, more ice. Just because I have ice on it, doesn’t mean I’m not causing damage. Feeling a bit out of sorts at 7:00. Very mild withdrawals I think. Thinking of a few beers, but I prefer not to. I need to take it easy and finish this day out as best as I can. Another short walk. I’m worried I’m causing pain for tomorrow. I’m in a good mood. I don’t know why. No beers. Watching Psych. I used to love that show sooo much. It’s still funny. Doesn’t hit me like it used to though, but it’s good. Happy to have some good moments today. Pain is super bad, but local. 9:00 now, so I took Zanaflex. I expect insomnia tonight. Whatever withdrawals I was noticing before, I don’t notice them now.