I passed out multiple times last night. It was rough. Sleep was rough. Loads of wake ups. Woke up finally at 7:30. 7.5g at 9:00. Slow and low today. Took a while to take effect. Been on the couch most of the day. At 11:00 finally starting to feel normal again. Untreated pain leads to these disasters. Now I’m maxed out on drugs and I’m still on the couch all day. How do I get a tolerance break in the middle of a crisis? I need to take better advantage of the decent times. I feel like I did over the last few weeks, but this last week has been pretty hellish. Just sent message to Loyola telling them injections weren’t helpful and asking them to move up the next round. I think finding another doctor would be the better solution. No guarantee they have availability or that they are any better. Never know until you try though. I’m getting fucked by Loyola of course. They don’t want to help. I need a new doctor. Took 8.5g at 2:00. I don’t feel too much from it. Side effects mainly. This is bad. Thankfully I feel better today. It seems like it’s tolerance break time. Best to feel decent going into it. So, let’s get psyched up for this! I guess just CT starting tomorrow? As long as I don’t feel super wrecked tomorrow morning (which I often do), we can try to get a couple days off. I have plenty of cheap beer and some pink wine left. I have the feeling this is going to be more difficult than it was for the last few times I did this. Let it sink in that this is going to happen. Ice packs and alcohol as needed. Full days on the couch feeling claustrophobic. On a plus note, it’s going to cool off a bit tomorrow, so if I want to get out for walks, that will be better. Short walk. Didn’t eat much today, feeling hungry. Getting anxiety thinking about the next CT break. I hate these. It’s been a terrible several days in a row, and I’m not recovered yet, so I’m going into it shaky. If I can pound out 2 days though, that buys me more time. It’s a loooong 2 fucking days though. Let’s see if I can make it through the morning. Drinking so close to kratom is so very bad. It doesn’t treat me well in many ways. It’s not good even far from kratom. I would like to give that corydalis a run to see what it can do. I don’t know how to introduce that. Yeah, this is making me want to fall asleep. These high amounts. I feel it in my arms too, much like the panic feeling I get. I don’t have THAT much anxiety. Maybe that’s why I thought I had high anxiety. Going to be a fun one tomorrow. Not the best of evenings. Too much and not enough kratom. I think the withdrawals are going to be bad tomorrow and the pain levels will be quite high. I only have 1 or 2 days left at this dosage before I have to go up. I don’t think I’ve ever gone above 8.5. The side effects are so bad at this level. I’ve been preparing myself for tomorrow. Unless the pain is off the charts, we’re good to go. Boy do I hate doing this. Psych wise I’m the worst I’ve been in a while. I can see that being a problem.