Got a wake up call from the new pain place saying they didn’t take my insurance. Strike 1. I feel like I got run over by a bus. Pain actually isn’t all that bad, just lack of drugs, and side effects from those drugs. No internet first thing, but I rebooted and it’s OK. I can’t deal with this without internet. Prepare to be locked onto the couch. Withdrawals are bad. Only 9:15. Very uncomfortable. I don’t have much of a choice but to deal with this. Feels like a bigger mess than normal. I’m suffering already and it isn’t even my normal dose time. Had some caffeine and feel a bit better. .5g agmatine. Lipo C. Not sure if that helps, but I feel a bit better now that the initial shock has passed. Probably the worst the WDs have felt any time I have tried this. Maybe better than when the Prozac was involved. Usually the first day isn’t all that horrible. I was thinking that I need to give it another go without the kratom. Obviously nobody is going to help me get better, so I need to do it myself. I have some supplements now that could help. I can maybe try ketamine again in a while. I really fear that though. I just don’t want to suffer through kratom withdrawals again only to go right back on it because nothing else helps and there is no help in sight. But then again, that might be the exact reason to do it. Weather is cooling off soon, so that might help with sweating and it will be easier for walks. It’s on my mind for the first time in a while. Doing laundry and did a short walk. Humid as fuck outside after the rain. Holy crap. Sweating like crazy now. Usually I’m freezing on day 1. 3.5 hours down. Oh god. 1:45. Did another short walk. Slightly less humid and now some breeze. I was pretty exhausted walking though. A nap would really help right now. Ain’t gonna happen on its own though. There’s a lot of hours left. I still feel exhausted from the last week, plus the withdrawal effects. Not sure what to expect tonight. GABA is at the ready. The real WDs don’t start until like 6:00! Have fun with that. This morning I said I won’t make it past 3pm tomorrow. I feel slightly more optimistic now, but only slightly. Pain is definitely getting worse. Getting hard to handle. Ice is only doing so much. This is really deep and strong. Not going to be much longer until alcohol. The real WDs haven’t even started yet. Going to take half a Zanaflex right now 3:00. I’m not suffering that badly today, but it’s worse than last time after the procedure. I guess the withdrawals are similar, but I didn’t have much pain then. Played a game. Not going well. 4:45. Oh god. It is pretty bad. Gonna try a little walk right now. Church walk. Wasn’t good. Getting cool outside. 6:00. I don’t know if it was a head rush, or if I was just disassociating for a tiny bit. Strong panic is in sight, but not affecting me ATM. I don’t feel good about this quit at all. Feeling a bit unhealthy, and I haven’t even had alcohol. I also haven’t eaten much today, so alcohol will affect me badly. I don’t think I can hold out much longer without it. If I want to quit, I need to do some sort of taper. Sub threshold amounts that ease the suffering a bit. Maybe an accelerated version that lasts only a week, then jump off from there. This is most likely just a tolerance break anyway, so whatever. Been cold for a while. Based on how strong this is, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had bad withdrawals at night tonight. Can’t wait for this day to end. Another short walk. I think the lipo c is maybe helping a bit. Just a tiny bit. this has been a hard day. If tomorrow is like this, I will surely crack. If I remember right, the physical WDs are a little better on day 2. Turns into more general yuckiness and pain that usually stacks up and gets to me. I want to try the corydalis somehow. Maybe fit that in in the afternoon? Took ash/ag this evening. I’ll take that in the morning and think about cory. I really need decent sleep tonight. No alcohol! I don’t know how. I felt like it would make things much worse. I’ll probably have to hit that tomorrow. Maybe I can get 2 days out of this. The more the better. I remember my original prediction. Pain is really bad without ice. Very strong pain.