7g in am, 7.5 I think of the red in the plastic tub. Maybe 8, can’t remember. Foggy head all day. Bad pain in the evening. Went to the store to look at PlayStations and I feel horrible right now. Borderline panic. I don’t see this getting back to a decent pain level/response to kratom any time soon. A tolerance break is the only thing that will probably help this, but I just can’t right now. Don’t know what to do, as usual. Do I want a PlayStation so when I’m imprisoned on the couch I can play some games? If I can’t sit at my desk, I usually can’t play anyway. Maybe a console with a controller will be different. Just did a long walk. All I could think about was Loyola fucking me. I need to sort it out with Molina asap. I wanted to drop to my knees a few times during that walk. I keep saying I just need a couple good days in a row, or a good stretch to get me going again. Then I’ll have strength for a tolerance break. The truth is that’s not going to happen. That’s why I went forward with it last week. And that’s why it failed. I need to sneak in another single day within the next few days. I always need more than that. I think at this point I need a full reset. Just aint gonna happen. The corydalis was a huge F, so I have nothing. And Loyola is FORCING me to go through this. So fucking cruel. Terrible human beings. When I feel super caged and trapped and imprisoned and claustrophobic, I have to crank out a walk. It breaks up the panic. Sometimes it’s only in the church. Usually it hurts. I want to drink right now to get through. This is WITH the pain meds. Imagine without. What did I do the last time I was feeling like this? I’m sure I will die by some accidental drug overdose at some point. Need a tolerance break very soon.