Well, here we are again. Tomorrow has to be the day…Slept OK. Woke up at 6 something and took half a Zanaflex proactively and ended up waking up at 8. Took 7.5g at 9:30 or so. Spent most of the day on the couch. Had a short walk in the morning sometime. Played some PS5 games. Didn’t have any patience for Ratchet. Did OK with TLoU. Very bored and feeling a bit caged for spending so much time on the couch. Playing games helps a bit – at least the couch time has some purpose. Just did a church walk a few minutes ago. Took 8.5g at 3:40. I was thinking about skipping it, but decided fuck it. I was already trapped on the couch most of the day. The pm dose has hardly done anything for me. Only a slight effect, so that means it’s time once again. Tomorrow is the day. Also, I need some fiber I think. I feel backed up. Had a couple good poops today, but I can feel the lack of fiber. I was thinking about my first quit, and I remember getting to a point where I only felt like crap and didn’t feel any benefit from the kratom. I stopped to see if the kratom was making things worse. I must have had lots of side effects, but no pain relief. That 16 day break didn’t help my pain or my situation though, but it served as a complete reset for tolerance. Again, I’m not going to suffer through a whole quit, just to go right back on it, which is what happened both quits. Loyola said they will try to schedule me, then they said there is nothing available until my scheduled date of 11/30. 2-1/2 months away. These fucking people. They said they would look for cancellations. I need to reinforce that with them in another message. This stupid nurse “Dana” is the one I’m dealing with, and she obviously sucks. I don’t know how to get the message to spill over to a good human being like the one who sorted out my first injection. I’ll have to stick with it. Did a couple sessions on the table. No positive effect like I felt last night. Right when I got into bed I started feeling a touch better. A bit of pain relief. I guess I’ll give that a go tomorrow. A few of those sessions, ice packs. Pain has been so bad lately that these tolerance breaks are impossible due to pain. Quitting kratom is the easy part, dealing with my pain is the impossible part. I guess I can glue myself to the ps5 tomorrow. Maybe find that mindless sports or driving game. Maybe some GTA V? Campaign on the PlayStation? Anything to survive going drug free. I wish-listed some story games. Maybe an interactive story will help? TLoU is a bit too involved. Something like Life is Strange. Maybe I’ll do the ash/ag thing. Maybe devil’s claw in desperation. No on the corydalis though. I’ll take those 2 kombuchas I have left. Good luck Del. Maybe a hangover will actually help since it gets me through to like 3:00 instead of only making it to noon like last week. Got a minor boost at about 6:15. Maybe a serotonin thing. It’s about that time for it. Very mild, but very welcome. That boost was nice. I got on the bike for a few minutes (with ice pack). I don’t know what it is. Maybe the kratom actually working a little bit. It came after the table again. Playing PS and sitting funny is hurting the back. Kind of a spasmy thing. Not horrible. I need to push that table without actually hurting myself. I’m all about more pain if it means more gain. Better after ice pack and icy hot. This is better than last night. Is this the inversion table doing this? I really need this going into tomorrow. It didn’t do anything this morning though. Not until 6 something. I need to learn how it works.

By Del