I only remember waking up like 4 times until 6:45. Can’t remember doing that like ever. Was able to fall asleep again and woke up at 8:45! 6g at about 10. Didn’t feel any opioid response, but I have a touch of serotonin response. Did some time on the table, then a short walk. Achilles tendon hurting since yesterday, so that sucks. Yesterday was a very neutral day. No side effects, no highs, no major pain. I can live with that without drugs. I think that’s the best state I can hope for. I won’t get great days, but that’s fine. I really only want to avoid the shit days. I would love to have good days like a normal person, but that’s not in the cards for me. I think the table is helping, but these things usually don’t last very long. I need to take advantage somehow with the meds. Days off, skipping doses, tapering down. I want to try to not go up from 6/7. We’ll see how that goes. All it takes is one moment of horrifying pain and panic to ruin that. Good day so far. 2 short walks. Just tried a third, but the achilles was too painful. Naturally. Finally on a good day, and something else is wrong. I think this is from one walk without my orthotics. Reminds me of the dual turf toes. Couldn’t walk even though I wanted to. 4:00 now and no need/desire to take the kratom. I’ve had this tingle of serotonin most of the day. This is what I was hoping for for the last several days. I felt it at night, but never in the day. Now I got my day. This has to be the table helping. Yesterday I didn’t feel this at all, though it was a good day with low pain and low kratom amounts. Still 7 hours to go before bedtime, but doing well heading into it. Thankful for an “easy” day. I did take Zanaflex at like 2:30. Didn’t feel tired from it. Had spasmy feeling. That went away right around when I decided to go for the walk. Totally forgot about it. Nice to have other tools to manage the pain. That’s the dream. No kratom, but other tools that help me get by. Had a takeout pizza. Been a long time for that. Feeling very tired after dinner. Feels like the serotonin dropped off. Pain is manageable, but worse than earlier. Been a bit emotional this evening. Went for a medium walk and was thinking about Fort Bragg. I miss California so much. Weather right now is perfect NorCal weather. I was thinking about when I went back to Seaside in my van after being away for months. I cried as soon as I hit the beach at Fort Ord. I’m wondering when I would start crying if I went back to FB. Maybe under the “Gateway to the Redwoods” sign in Willits. Maybe when 20 hits 1. Maybe McKerricher beach. I would love to see Marcia. I was so happy to be able to contribute to the community there. I had a good thing going. I really wish Ari hadn’t run me into the ground. My back was fucked again anyway. Too much hope is a bad thing for me. Makes me sentimental. I think this bit of emotion is good. It’s not too much. It’s not quitting kratom day 4 levels. No WDs or anything this evening. Pain has been manageable. My god I would love to quit and be able to manage this in a healthy way. I’ll work on the inversion table if I have to. Anything is better than what I’ve been going through for the last year.