Birthday month. Happy fucking birthday to me. All I want is to feel normal. Or to not take drugs everyday, which is as normal as I get. Couldn’t get to sleep to save my life last night. After midnight finally. Took half a Zanaflex sometime in the morning and managed to sleep till 9! That was good. Took 6g of the jarred red at 10. Glad I did only 6. We’ll do 7 at 3 or so. Had a short walk and trip to Aldi. Felt a lot better today because of the meds. Table isn’t doing anything for me. Getting pops in my spine all the time from it, but no pain relief. I don’t get anywhere without real pain relief. Short walk. 7g at 3:40. This stuff is treating me pretty well. Comes on very slow. I thought it wasn’t enough, now I think it’s a bit too much. It’s almost out, so I’ll go to the bagged red, which is weaker than my normal green. I have new green on the way. I think a day off for a reset would be good. Then start back up at like 5 or 5.5 of my normal stuff. Days off are the best! Long walk. Tired and worn out. I’m only powered by the kratom. No pain relief. Craving something again. I eat sugar to satisfy it, but it’s a general drug craving that I can’t ever fill. This was happening 2 months into my last quit. Did a few minutes on the table. Had a big pop. I felt relief when I was on the table. Taking the load off after sitting at my desk a lot today. Not really any relief off the table though. It should be giving me relief on the table. I don’t know why it faltered for those few days. Bad kratom fucking it all up? I feel the best all day right now. Almost feel like going for a walk again. 9:15. I hope it’s coming back. And now I have to switch kratom again and fuck it all up. Might do 6/6.5 tomorrow. Short walk. Couldn’t sit still. Painful, but OK.