Sleep was better than expected. I passed out around 10. Lots of painful wake ups. Woke up like 4 or 5 and couldn’t get back to sleep. Walked around a bit, ibuprofen, half Zanaflex, then another half 10 minutes later. I knew I needed a lot. I could tell the pain was horrifying that early. Ended up waking up at 8:45! Thank the lord. Read in bed and stalled. Ended up taking 5.5g of the older green at 9:15. Helped a good bit. Took .5 more at 10:15. Felt like I needed a bit more. Pain is off the charts. Very stiff and painful to move. I don’t know where it came from. Too much walking the day before? Just a random thing? This is all so horrifying. Super horrifying. Horrifying. Pain is so bad. Unreal levels for having felt so decent recently. No pain relief from anything. The kratom has me calm and partially controlled for now. Supposed to see primary doc this afternoon, but I highly doubt I can make that. Glad I wasn’t awake at 6 and having a 3 dose day. If I feel better in a day or two, I’ll try that red again and see if I can get back on track. Canceled that PCP appt. No fucking way. Especially before the pm dose. 1:15 and I’m desperate for more relief. Only just got off the couch and in the shower. I guess 7g later. 2 weeks of taper gone in a day. I love my life so much. Do good and get fucked. Do bad and get fucked. How do I just get by? How can I live? Finally ate. Just felt the drop off. Bang on time at 2:25. Now we wait an hour and wallow in pain for the next dose. One of my favorite parts of the day. After waking up and feeling nothing but horror within the first 5 seconds. 7g at 3:15. It was a tough 30 minutes waiting for that to take effect. I feel wiped out now. Tired, ready to pass out almost from the trauma. Dad wanted to drop off food this morning and I didn’t take his call. Then this afternoon again. Texted him I couldn’t talk and don’t come over. Haven’t even seen my dad for my 50th birthday. Remember the whole point of me being here is for him? How easy it is to forget when I can’t get off the couch and can’t stop crying from pain. Returning to horrifying levels at about 7. I’m not sure any amount of drugs would fix this right now. It’s normally not this unstable. Had half a Zanaflex earlier. 8:00 now. Need to limp to the end somehow. Very bored too.