Sleep was actually pretty good, but I woke up at 7:30. I thought of taking Zanaflex through the night, but I kept falling asleep. Took 6.5g of green at 7:45. Feel a bit better for it. Not ready to go for 6 miles of walking today though. I don’t know when that comes back. I don’t like getting up so early because it makes the days so long. I need them to be 2 hours long. I feel very tired and spaced out from it. Having coffee now. I had a feeling earlier of “I don’t know how I’m going to get through this day”. That was at 8:30. Tried a walk with ice pack and had to turn around just past the church. Holy fuck. Not calming down all that well after coming home. I feel fucked from drugs right now. Still helping me, but my brain is begging for more. I had the thought of just drinking through the day. Not a good idea having already taken kratom today. Plus I would probably start at like noon and it would be a tremendous shit show. Thinking of drugging myself to sleep with Zanaflex. The pain from the walk felt like nerve pain/spasms. I’m fairly scared. I really need some fucking help. My best choice is probably like 4g of kratom at 11:30/noon. As usual, no idea what to do. It’s going to be one hell of an evening/night today. 12:15 and I haven’t taken the kratom. Kind of too late to take a small dose. No idea how this is going to go. Things are not good as of right now. 1:45 and I’m still going. Feeling tired still. Not freaking out, however. I don’t know how. Skipping the afternoon dose and drinking if necessary is on the table as of right now. Been on the couch and in my chair most of the day. No wonder I want to drink. I’m in prison. Makes sense now that I say it out loud. The kratom would have already dropped off by now. Pain is somewhat controlled with ice packs. I have no piss and vinegar to contribute. If I’m actually able to make it without going nuts with more kratom, then I should take .5g less in the pm. That’s the smart thing. Smarter than drinking. Had lots of vitamin D today BTW. That could have helped me get through. Well, 7.5g at 3:00. It finally hit me and has been ramping up. The thing I knew would happen all along happened. Don’t feel much from the pm dose. As usual. Trying some games with the brace on. Haven’t eaten much today. Need to start looking for a tolerance break already. Feels super spasmy sitting in the desk chair. Halloween event in D2. Actually having fun, but it makes my back spasm. These drugs are going to wear off all too soon and it will be a tough night. Again. Been surging for the last 45 minutes though. Vacuumed, ate, cleaned the kitchen sink. Feels good right now. Serotonin boost probably. I think this will burn out though and drop off hard. Tried a church walk and it hurt. I’m going to try to not do lots of walking if I feel decent. Maybe that’s doing more damage than good. definitely felt tonight that things were compressed. Felt like I needed to pull my spine apart. Maybe I can work with that. That means the table can help. Probably need a fusion in the end.