Today is the day I crack. Sleep was pretty much like the night before. Took a gabapentin at bedtime. Woke up and took 2 GABA. The proper WDs were more mild than the night before. Woke up a bunch through the night in a ton of pain. Took 3 half Zanaflexes starting at 4 something. Daylight savings today, so I ended up waking up at 7. This is going to hurt. An extra hour when I just want the day to end right now. Anxiety is thankfully low, but pain is central and I would say an 8. .5 ag. It is building on me all morning and feeling like crisis mode. I started the steroid pack today and kind of regret it. No relief from it. Just did the table. No relief. This won’t happen without pain relief coming from somewhere. I will try the corydalis today. Just a matter of time until I do. I’ll keep dosing until it does something. If it doesn’t, then I’m kind of fucked. It doesn’t go well with kratom. Neither do the steroids. Those have a very short half life, so I’m not too worried about those right now. If I start back on kratom, with all these other drugs, I’ll end up at 5g today or tomorrow. I’ll have to copy today’s log into the usage doc. I’ve had it. 3g corydalis at 10:55. I can’t take the pain. It’s fucking brutal. We’re at a 9. I’m wishing I took kratom instead of corydalis right now because I know it works. I don’t know if cory will work, nor do I know the dose. I don’t feel WDs today. No temperature issues, no sweating. This is like day 5 from my first quit. Just aftershocks. 3g more corydalis at 11:35. No relief so far. Next stop is kratom. Maybe 3g. I should be low tolerance and it reacts with the corydalis. I guess I wasted the steroids. Going to be a while before I get any kind of relief. I might even need to re-dose kratom. If it has metabolic competition, I won’t feel it and it will skyrocket my tolerance. I’ll need another day off to fix it all. At the very least, I learned I can quit kratom fairly easily. I did a lot of work tapering and over this last week taking days off. It was hard. Mostly it was the exhaustion. This time around there wasn’t the constant sweating. No major depression/anxiety either. I could do it again, but like I said before, there is no point quitting without pain relief. These flareups last a week or two and are completely unmanageable. Barely manageable with the kratom. At least it gets me off the couch. Being held prisoner during the quit and during the intense pain is super hard. I’ve resigned myself to taking the kratom already, obviously. I can take more days off when the pain is back under control. I’ve learned a bit about what is physical pain and what is kratom pain. It’s such a slippery slope that I don’t know how that will work out. OK, it helped a TINY bit. I’m not holding my breath constantly. Maybe from a 9 to an 8.5. That was 6g. Maybe another 3g would actually help? I’m realizing this affects opioid receptors, so mixed with kratom, that will have a huge effect. I’ll try to hold out for a bit, but the kratom is coming. Yeah, that lasted 7 minutes. 3g green at 12:20. Corydalis is useless. This pain is off the charts and I am beyond able to deal with it. I’m probably fucked for today. If the kratom works, I’ll overload my opioid receptors. If it doesn’t, it’s because of metabolic competition. I’m fucked either way. If I can get a slight reduction, that would help. This doesn’t mean I’m full on back on kratom. If tomorrow is a better day, then I don’t take it. I can keep going the way I have been for the last week. It sucks, but it’s better in the end. If tomorrow is a disaster, then I’m definitely on it. So far I’m still in my underwear on the couch and this is horrifying. Please make it stop. Better at 1:00. Sigh of relief, but not much more. Dropped off pretty hard, pretty fast. 4g at 3:25. I don’t think the corydalis interacted at all with kratom. Maybe because it was mostly out of my system. Or that corydalis is bullshit. There are extracts available with good reviews. They are equivalent to 10g, so it also could be that I didn’t take enough. Maybe we’ll give it another try at 10g on a day where the pain isn’t as bad as today, but I also have a couple days off the kratom. Last night would have been perfect. No relief from the pm kratom. I’m still upright at least. Probably the other drugs stepping on it. My god do I want this pain to fucking end. I just can’t get away from it no matter what I do. It’s so debilitating. Short walk. Old pink wine at 7:45 or so. It’s all downhill from here.