Another shit show of a night. Couldn’t get to sleep, but slept OK. until 3 or so. Mild proper WDs, so I eventually took 2 GABA. Started having central apnea. Then woke up with trouble breathing. Nearly panicked. Between couch and bed. Couldn’t sleep. Full Zanaflex. Woke up at 8. I felt so horrible waking up. Totally wrecked. Took 4g at 9:45. I know it will burn out fast. Going to be rough. After all that time off, I’m still at an actual 4.5. I’m low balling it right now so it doesn’t skyrocket. None of this was worth it. I had been saying that for a long time. There is no point in even trying to quit if I have to go right back on it when the next flare up comes, and those come every 5 days. Going forward I will just take a day off preferably once a week. That resets tolerance and makes the kratom more effective. If I have good days in between, I can taper down. I feel the day off is more effective than tapering. Doing both might be good. These nights are the worst part of a CT quit. They are unbearable. If it’s only for 3 nights like it was on my first quit, then it’s fine. And if it’s a permanent quit, that’s fine. But having to go right back on because the pain is just so unbearable and there is no pain relief anywhere, than fuck this. I so want to be off this shit. I feel better off of it, but I have to keep treating the pain. If anything, I should go 3/day to treat the pain better, then take a day off every week. And I just felt something in my right ear. First time in months. The shit always piles up on me. Never fucking fails. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I do the right thing, I get shit on. So sick of all this shit. So fucking sick of it. 5g red Vietnam at 3. +1g of green at 3:40. I’m just going to stick with tried and true. I feel it in my head – almost a drunk feeling, but no pain relief at all. Maybe that’s how reds and greens work differently. Why people say they are ‘relaxing’ or ‘relieving’, just no pain relieving. Sadge for me. So, about that next tolerance break! LOL. I’m so dumb. I probably need to get back on track with the normal green for a few days. Get sleep back on track, pain control, then take 1 day off. Almost out of this batch of green. Next will be an older batch, slightly weaker. No added pain relief. Gonna be another motherfuck of a night. I guess I’ll start with 4.5 tomorrow morning. I don’t know how long corydalis stays in the system, but that should start moving out and maybe things will even out. Who the fuck knows. I went through a ton of pain during that quit. I told myself it wasn’t bad, but it was. I rarely left the couch. I didn’t play games. I’m just burnt from it right now. In retrospect, I should have just did the day off, then tapered a bit. It usually takes a day or two for the kratom to ramp back up to proper effect after a day off. Who knows after the week I just did. Been sitting here playing TAB for an hour and fuck me am I in a lot of pain. A bit too paralyzed to move. Did a church walk and it was hard. Went to Walmart. It was so hard, but I didn’t want to deal with it in the morning. I want to be able to have a good morning for the first time in over a week. Please let me have something decent.