Typical sleep. Lots of wake ups. and pain. Drug regimen at 6. I have to stop doing that. Sleep is just so fucking critical that I can’t. Wake up 9:30. 6g at 10:30. Managed to cook for lunch. Felt like the day was looking good, then turned to shit. 1:30, still in underwear on the couch. Starting to really struggle. 7.5g at 3:15. Been in bed for a couple hours. No shower yet. No relief yet at 4. Need to get that day off in sometime soon. Had some minor pops yesterday, but no help. Feeling very panicky. The shock is here. The horror. Like constant fear. The cracks are opening. Going to try a walk to change the setting. Short walk. Panic is better, but the horror is still there. I have a sample of green maeng da I’ll try tomorrow. Slightly weaker. I need to order new stuff, so if that works at all, maybe I’ll switch it up. Rum at 8. Lord help me.