Woke up at 6 and didn’t take meds. Naturally I couldn’t get back to sleep. 6.5g of maeng da at 8:40. 9:30 now and I feel like it’s after noon. Pain isn’t horrible like last night, but it’s early. I think it will be bad later. I don’t get actual relief from kratom anymore. Went to Aldi and had a moment. Had my brace one and had to instantly deflate it. Got super hot, unzipped jacket. Felt super shitty instantly. Feel better at home thankfully. Got a lime sparkling water. That fixes some things. Water is off in the building, naturally. Had to take a whore bath. Can’t clean dishes. Finally ate at 1:30. 7.5g maeng da at 2:30. Called psych place and get a busy signal all day. 2 different numbers. Because of course I do. It can hurt my SSD chances if they don’t see a history of treatment, and I can’t even get someone to answer the phone. 6:00 and I’m super irritable. Going to try a walk. I feel slightly better when not sitting in one place. The boredom takes its toll. Not really any better today vs any other days lately. Long walk. Had a small pop. Started feeling better. I took Lyrica. We’ll get that started again and see what happens.

By Del