Managed to make it to sleep without drinking. Up for an hour from 4:30. Half zanny. Up at 7 again. Another half. Woke up at 9:30. I really needed that today. 6.5g at 10. I don’t feel anything from it. I do feel better today for the sleep, but not great. Hopefully this maeng da will ramp up. Since it’s below zero outside, I was thinking these would be a good couple days for a day off. Not keen on the idea with so much pain. 2:00 and I’m ready for something. I want to play games, but I’m having trouble sitting upright. Maybe I strap myself to the back of the chair with a bungee cord. Need alcohol or kratom pretty much right now. I wish that PCP appt was over with. Need to keep pushing right now. No good news happening. Maybe SNAP. We’ll see. I need so much help. I made it to 3:10. 7.5g. 4:10 now and I feel no better. This is going to be rough. Tomorrow will be 7.5/8.5 or I can try the Vietnam which is slightly stronger, at the same dose as today. I really don’t think trying a day off right now would go well. It would be quite the shit show right from the start. But I need that day off. Yeah, sitting here for 5 minutes is killing me. Fuck. Maybe back to bed. Tried some D2. 6:15. I thought it was after 8. Yikes. Pink wine at 8:00. 3 in the end.