4 rums in the end. Very difficult last few hours of the night. Woke up at 4 and was up for hour and a half. Zanaflex. Woke up again at 7. Somehow managed to get back to sleep until 8:45. 7g at 9:40. Guess what? Today is the PCP appt and it snowed again. Should we bet they cancel again? Can it snow on a day when I don’t have an important appointment? Or do I just get fucked every day, every which way? Had a small boost for 45 minutes from the am dose. That faded quickly. Had lunch and now feel a bad stomach. I haven’t been taking the fiber, so I did that. Thankfully the appointment happened. He gave me a permanent designation on the parking placard application, which I have to send in to Springfield, so it’s going to take a bit longer. He’s looking into help from other places – Holy cross and Mt. Sinai. He said he will do the leg work. Picked up Rx from Walgreens and started to cry from the pain in the parking lot. I have officially hit a 10. He submitted prescriptions to CVS. I don’t know if I’ll bother with those today. I don’t know what to do for the rest of the day. Start drinking now or be responsible. 8.5g at 3:15. I can’t seem to stomach even the idea of drinking right now. Got a call from the doctor. He gave me a number to call Monday at Mt. Sinai. He said he sent them my info. From what I can find, it’s a rehabilitation center. I can’t do rehab until I get fixed. Maybe they will send me to pain mgmt from there. Not sure it’s the right place. It’s by UIC I think. Not close to home. Maybe they will listen and try to help. Rehab won’t work without the correct fix being done first. 7:00 and the suffering is upon me. Pain is bad. Head is bad. Unfortunately I’m going to need that day off really soon. I’m out of headroom with the kratom. I feel really tired right now. Maybe it’s the 3 Lyrica I took earlier. No help from it. I desperately need some sort of relief. I’ve been so fucked for so long that I need a few days just to come back down to earth.