Sleep was better, despite having 4 rums. Oddly after the last rum, I got a small pop on the table. Must be more relaxed. Half zanny at 4:30. Wake up 8:15. Where are the 9:30 wake up days? They are long gone. Also odd that I slept better with the bed in the old spot. I think I feel a little better than yesterday, so I decided I wanted a decent day and took 7.5g at 9:45. I’m so fucking fried. I need some kind of relief. I guess if I don’t get it today, or even if I do, then I have to take that day off tomorrow. I’m not keen on it with a ton of pain. Feel decent at 10:30. This is how I was feeling before Christmas on low doses. This will probably flame out at noon. I still don’t think I can sit and play games. Maybe I’ll try a half day. It doesn’t do much, but maybe if I do a couple in a row it will at least make the kratom more effective. Having alcohol caused pops on the table. As expected, PCP never actually sent anything to Mt. Sinai. They don’t have any of the things they need. Also they are booked until June for initial appt. That turned my mood sour really fast. I instantly started feeling shitty. Like the kratom flamed out, but I don’t think it did (yet). 1:00. Been struggling since that phone call. Had like 1 good hour today. Going to skip this pm. I ultimately didn’t get much relief today and have felt pretty shitty. In retrospect I should have used today as the day off, but who knows. Alcohol will start probably by 4. Maybe I get tomorrow morning off also and make 24 hours. 7:15. There have been plenty of other nights where alcohol winds me up and makes me temporarily feel OK. This is not one of those nights. This is so fucking horrifying. I definitely wish I didn’t take that kratom this morning. I wish this was getting me through the whole day off. I don’t know if this version of a 24 hour will help as much as a ‘normal’ day off. I don’t know if I make it past 7am tomorrow. Got on the table and instantly got a small pop in exactly the right spot. Can’t make this shit up. That means tomorrow will be great, right?!! LOL.