10/10 pain last night. Holy shit it was bad. I passed out hard after 3 or 4 rums. Woke up at 4 and haven’t gotten to sleep yet. Pain was super terrible. Zanaflex, ibu, icy hot, and nothing. I was out of my mind last night. One of those nights. I realized when I have the camera running, nothing weird happens. It only happens when I can’t see it. It’s not healthy, but I’m so sick of being fucked with, or feeling like I’m being fucked with. It doesn’t happen if a camera is on it. It might be worth it to get the camera system going, just for sanity’s sake. 6.5g maeng da at 7:05. I instantly lose my tolerance progress with a triple dose today. Just before 10. Pain is brutal. The kratom didn’t help that much. Maybe 11:15 for the middle dose. As long as it doesn’t get worse, I’ll make it OK. 4.5 red Vietnam at 1115. Really struggling for pain. 1:00. Struggling really hard. So tired. So much pain. 2.5 hours to go to pm dose. How do I make it? Struggled through a shower. I’ve been super gross. 7.5g at 3:20. For the love of god, please let this kratom help me. Looking at walkers on amazon. I almost bought one 20 years ago. Shower stool would help too. Don’t know if I want to to that. Managed to go to pharmacy. I need to get that shit delivered. Came home and felt local pain. I guess that’s a plus. Had a pop on the table, but I swear it’s higher than I want it to be. Still no real pain relief like I used to get. I don’t know if the Lyrica fucked me up for life or what. That’s when everything tipped. 10 days on that stuff. The long slog continues. Hoping to close this one out better than it started. Please let me get some fucking sleep tonight. Kratom is only helping a tiny bit with pain tonight. Back to max tomorrow?