Sleep was bad again. All over the road really. Woke up 8:30. Out of bed at 9:45. 7g at 10. Need caffeine today. I want to try a forced taper today if possible. I’m going to push the mag oil today. I didn’t use it much for the last 2 days. I doubt that really means much, but I have to push the things that potentially help. I’m living at the edge of the margins right now. Went to Aldi and it ruined me. Things are so fucking difficult. Nothing is helping. I can’t get back to early October/pre-Christmas no matter what. I can’t get more than 2 slightly decent days in a row. I am stuck in this dissociative loop and it never fucking ends. Fucking help me. Bought more seltzers. I’m having the thought of drinking my way through the day and skipping the kratom. I feel like drinking will happen regardless. I don’t know how I could taper down. I need to go up. I’m basically at max. Fuck. 7.5g at 3:35. 5:00 and I don’t feel a thing from it. Table felt OK. and got a perfect pop. 5:20 and nausea is here. These side effects are getting to me badly in the pm. 6:30 and feels like kratom has worn off. Nausea is still here, spams, I feel like I’m starting a bad trip right now. Need to change setting I guess.