Sleep was terrible. Even after all that effort yesterday and 2 walks. Even with the CPAP. I don’t think the half Zanaflex did anything yesterday evening. 6g at 9:45. I don’t feel any relief from it. I might have to pause at this dose to get some pain relief. Tapering/quitting is impossible without actual pain relief. I don’t feel like the pain is actually any better. It feels more like I’m just not in a state of shock ATM. Laundry done. Yeah, no real pain relief, unfortunately, but I just feel better. If I could ever figure out how to eliminate the state of shock I live in, then I could get by. Usually it’s pain reduction that does it. I don’t’ know why it’s happening now, and I don’t know how to sustain it. I have a super tenuous grasp on it, and I know it could fade away at any moment. Went for a walk, remembered that walks in the day time fuck me up, so I turned it into a church walk and barely fucking made it home. Very slow, painful, difficult. I’ve been noticing this brace can give me pain in the upper lumbar area. The stability is good, but it also hurts up high. Can’t win. 2:40 and barely hanging on. I don’t think the walk fucked me really. Pain is super bad, I can’t control it at all anymore. It’s only a matter of time for the shock to set in. I will take 7g again today. No taper. Unless I want to drink the day away, which I don’t really want to do. I never do! 7g at 3:25. Just started thinking about making a blog. Not sure anyone would read it, but I feel the need to somehow get out there what severe chronic pain is actually like. Doctors don’t understand it. This state of shock thing is something nobody understands. And it is the exact thing that ruins my life. Meds definitely helped. What a relief. And an ice pack. Too bad it drops off so hard and leaves me stranded for most of the evening. Church walk. Better than this afternoon. The drugs are hard carrying me.