Pain was off the charts late last night. It took all I had to keep from panicking. I instantly lost all my will to fight. I had that realization that the last few days have not in fact been decent. They have been just as bad as any others and I wasn’t any better. I just can’t fight when the pain is at a 10. 7 I can do. I will fight so hard at a 7. Sleep was fucking awful and pain is really bad this morning. I did 6g at 10. I needed 6.5, but said fuck it. I do always feel better at lower doses because of less side effects. Today will be a waste I fear. I’m fairly paralyzed. I missed my window to shower already. I don’t know what to do. How do I fix this. Not just today, but long term. If dad will help, maybe paying cash for RF ablation would be the ticket. I need to do a lot of legwork for that and I’m unable to do it. Maybe if I get a break in the pain. It also needs to be on a weekday when doctor’s offices are open so I can make those calls. Somebody please fucking help me. I’ve had this strong hangover-like feeling all day. I’m realizing that’s shock. So I’m at an 8/10. The shock is here and it will be pure suffering until I can get out of this state. HARD drop off at 2:45. Holy fuck. Ramped straight up to a 10. 7g at 3:20. I’m sitting at my desk, and it hurts like hell, but I’m frozen in place. I can’t even fall to the floor from the pain paralysis. Yeah, the pain is just super sharp in the spine. And I’m over the limit too, and I have side effects from the meds. Just did the table, and it didn’t relieve any pain, but didn’t cause any either. Felt solid. Yesterday when pain was better, table hurt. I’ll never understand this shit. I just know it’s going to be another long evening.