The piss and vinegar is gone. The depression and anxiety feel a little better, but not gone. I managed to live in denial of the pain for the day yesterday, but I can only do that for very short periods. That period is over today. I still want to get some walks in. Hopefully I can pick it up.
I have had zero appetite today. This has become a high pain. low fibromyalgia day. These are difficult days, but I can deal with them. It’s the high fibro flare days that I can’t handle at all. Usually the fibro flare follows the high pain days, so maybe later today or tomorrow the fibro will flare up.
Pain had me laid out for most of the day. I managed a short walk in the early evening. I managed to play a whole 45 minutes of Destiny 2. I had to stop because sitting in a chair was too painful. Picked up a prescription, and did another short walk when I got back.
I found myself wondering if I’ll ever be able to do normal things for more than a couple days in a row. I am incapable of understanding what it’s like to have a partner, have a job that I can get to every day, be able to sit at my desk and play games for a few hours, be able to take long walks or go to the gym regularly, go to other people’s homes for dinner or other gatherings, etc. All these things are so incredibly normal and boring, and I wish I could do them. Not only can I not do them, I can’t even understand them anymore because it’s been so long. All I can do is look at other seemingly normal people doing their seemingly normal activities and wonder if or when I’ll be able to do them again.