Even though I felt better last night, I woke up in a full blown 10/10 fibro flare. This is going to be a horrifying day. This happens every fucking time. Whenever I’m convinced I found something that could help me, everything turns to shit and I’m right back where I started. The dissociative psychotic loop continues. Again. This is the negative reinforcement that keeps me from doing anything remotely healthy. I try quitting gluten, I have good results, I start walking again, I work up to walking without my cane, I still get shit on for it and still end up right back where I started. Back to bed, back to the cane, back to the atrophy, back to the insanity. Just another day that ends in ‘y’ for me. Please fucking help me.
Finally managed to get up to refill my water and brush my teeth at 1:00. I put some rice on, but have no appetite.
I passed out from pain at about 3:00. I actually stayed out for like 20 minutes. Usually when I pass out, I come to within a couple minutes. The pain wakes me right back up. I’m happy for the “reboot”, but it really rattles me and rings my bell and makes the rest of the day pretty weird.
Had some rice and felt a bit better. Finally had a shower, then a bowl of cereal. I devoured it. Feel better after that. I feel those aftershocks from passing out. That will stay with me all night. Happy to not be horizontal for a little bit. My god I want this day to be over. I am so exhausted and burned out from this shit.