It took work, but I got some sleep. Pain is ridiculous this morning. Straight on an ice pack. No caffeine today. I don’t know if that’s a trigger or not. The last couple days have been so brutal that it has been required. Back to the elimination diet. Maybe we can pull this one off. Still fighting for survival. Still fighting to simply get through the next 5 minutes. This is no way to live.
Had a bowl of cereal at 11:15. At least I ate something before 4pm. I’m not completely paralyzed from pain today, but it’s not at all good. I think the fibromyalgia is better than yesterday (which is not hard to do because yesterday was a 15/10). Pain feels manageable right now. I guess I have to wait for the fibro flare to calm down before I’m able to do anything. These last few days have been pretty insane. And that was after I figured out the whole gluten flare up thing. It’s supposed to get better when you make these discoveries, not worse. That’s why I keep saying I’m in a dissociative psychotic loop that I can’t break out of. This website is my cry for help to the world and I’m hoping someone will grab my hand and pull me out.
Showered and pants on by 1:15. That’s objectively a better day than yesterday just by that metric alone. Forcing myself to do laundry just to get myself moving. Those showers are really fucking hard when the pain level is so damn high. It’s one of the hardest daily things for me to do. Imagine taking a shower in a shower-over-tub with 2 knives jammed into your spine.
Back on the couch at 7:30. I maybe had a reprieve for a little bit, but the fibro won’t let me go. It’s coming back. This is getting so fucking hard. I really can’t take this. I don’t know how I can make it through another hour of this, let alone another day, week, month. I have nothing left to fight this. I need pain relief. Something. Anything. Please. Fuck. Please help.
This is making me feel depressed and anxious. I would normally go out for a long walk, but I can’t move, so I’m stuck here taking constant jabs to the balls. I’m a prisoner in my own home. I’m locked in and feel claustrophobic now. Tomorrow has to be better than this. My god, please fucking help make this stop.