Oh my fucking god. I couldn’t get to sleep, I couldn’t stay asleep. I kept waking up for long periods. This is so fucking painful. I probably would have felt better today too. I’m a fucking zombie. I feel like shit. Again. How do I catch a fucking break? This is fucking ridiculous. This is fucking absurd. This will send me into another flare up. I can’t handle that. I don’t know how I got through the last few days. I need a break. I can’t take this. I can’t get through another day of this right now. Please fucking help me. It’s been like 4 days since I came up with the “cure” of not eating gluten and dairy, and the fibromyalgia feels worse. I am not making progress, and I feel like a fucking fool for thinking I was. Again. For the 827th time. I am in a psychotic loop and I can’t get out. Can someone please pull me out of this please?
I’ve calmed down a bit. So in addition to gluten and dairy, people say nightshades can flare them up. I had chips and salsa yesterday and fajitas with peppers and hot sauce for dinner. About 2 hours after dinner, I flared back up. So just about everything I eat is possibly killing me by flaring me up. I have noticed when the pain is super bad, I tend to not eat anything, then the pain gets better. There could be something there. I have been eating potatoes without any issues. The salsa hasn’t bothered me, but the peppers in the fajitas did? I’ve never had a food allergy in my life, nor have I ever had digestive issues from things like gluten or dairy.
None of it makes sense, but I guess now I’ll try to cut out nightshades too. This means I have to prepare all my own food, which I’m not capable of because I can’t move, can’t get to the store, can’t stand up and cook. Everything has some sort of gluten in it, or potato starch. Sauces or gravies all have it. I have no clue how to feed myself now, but just like all the other snake oil cures I’ve tried, I have to try this. Then I’ll flare up anyway, and the dissociative psychotic loop will continue for the 8 millionth time. I’m terrified to eat anything now. Negative reinforcement is a bitch. Oh yeah, and I have the additional triggers of lack of sleep and high pain levels, which are omnipresent, so I’m screwed any which way. How the fuck do I break out of this loop? Can someone please fucking help me?
I’m still upright. Lots of pain. I don’t know if the pain is enough to trigger a flare. Who the hell knows anymore. Everything causes it. I need to be put into suspended animation until I get my medical fix. Yesterday I tanked at about 6:30. That’s the mark to beat today.
Short walk at 6:30. First walk in 3 or 4 days. I haven’t done a medium or long walk since Christmas. Over 4 months since I’ve been capable. This year has been so unbelievably oppressive and horrifying pain-wise.