Probably the best sleep I’ve gotten in a while. I don’t feel good though. I’m super irritable. I don’t know what else is causing issues. This day could easily go either way. I feel like I’m right on the edge of a flare up. I can see it happening even though I stay away from the potentially bad foods. Then I’ll completely doubt the whole diet approach and the psychotic loop will restart.
I feel like the pain is lower today, but I still feel like shit, so that would be fibromyalgia. If I eat certain foods, it flares. If I avoid those same foods, it flares. If I do something that causes me to have a good day, then repeat it exactly the next day, it flares. If I don’t get sleep it flares. If I do get sleep, it flares. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It’s just unrelenting all the damn time and there isn’t anything I can do about it. I keep fooling myself into thinking there is something that can fix it or help it, but there isn’t. I’m just a slave to it and I am completely helpless. I have to have some sort of hope, otherwise I would go completely insane, or worse, but I am so very exhausted from trying every possible thing under the sun and having every single one of those things fail.
Aaaand now I’m getting an acid attack. I haven’t even eaten anything yet today, and somehow I get an acid attack. These are not common for me at all. Right when I’m on the edge, something like this happens. Almost every fucking time. I am so sick of being a sad sack who is completely unable to stop all this bullshit that happens to me. I need a fucking break. Please. Give me a fucking break. I can’t handle this shit. This will surely set off a major flare up. Fuck me. Again. I want to play video games. I haven’t turned my computer on in 5 days and haven’t even considered playing games. This is so fucking absurd. Imagine being so fucked up that you can’t even play a fucking video game.
I feel just as bad today as I did for the last week, even with all these dietary changes. It’s all nonsense. There is no hope for me without the medical intervention I really need. This isn’t even lipstick on a pig. That would be helpful to me, at least in the short term. This is snake oil.
Cooked dinner and could only manage to eat about half of it. At least I’ll have leftovers I can force down tomorrow if I need to. Fibro feels a bit less foggy in the evening, but I still generally feel like shit. I’m fucking exhausted. Being forced to run like 4 marathons every day. I just need a breather please.