Boy, yesterday was a difficult day in the end. It started off OK, and I ended up tapering down on medications. Then the vertigo hit, and that flared the fibromyalgia. I ended up under-treating that pain in the evening, so night time was really tough. I think the vertigo has mostly faded away. Still some aftershocks, but the fibro is still flared up. With any luck, that will fade as the day goes as long as I medicate properly. So far it’s looking bad, but I’m hoping it can turn around.
Short walk at noon. I forgot the ice pack. My left hip was hurting all the way through. This is normal after long periods of being sedentary. The lack of conditioning, lack of movement in the body, and the atrophy contribute. Getting started is always the hardest part. And when you fail because you never got the healthcare you actually need, then you restart the process. Again and again. And you feel all the impossibility of fighting the inertia all over again. Every time. If I had my medical fix and I knew things would only get better, I would be more than happy to push hard, but when you know tomorrow might turn out to be shit and restart the clock, it’s super difficult to even summon the mental energy to give it a try.
I’m feeling worse as the day goes on. I was hoping for the opposite. I started feeling a little dizzy at about 1:00. Nothing like yesterday though. There’s always something to flare up the fibromyalgia, and it takes days for it to ease, and during those days, I lose any progress I might have made. Every time, there is a new snake oil cure, and every time they fail. I haven’t had more than 3 decent days in a row since before Christmas, and now, even with the new magnesium “cure”, I still only got 3 days, then 2 bad days immediately after. The insanity continues once again. I’m really going to just stop writing about it. It makes me feel so stupid for believing something might actually help me get better. How can I be so stupid time after time?
This does illustrate how desperate pain patients can be, and how susceptible we can be to snake oil cures and unethical providers promising amazing results. It becomes quite easy to make bad decisions because of the desperation.