Better day than yesterday, but not by much. I don’t know how the day will go. I have no motivation to get outside. I’m feeling a bit crushed mentally from the fibromyalgia and strong spine pain. I’d say the pain hasn’t fully calmed down yet from 2 days ago. Maybe when that happens, the fibro flare will fade. It’s just so demoralizing to have to keep going back to strong spine pain and fibro flares again and again and again. Working hard only makes it worse. That takes all the fight out of you and drains all the mental energy you have.
Been horizontal since 2:00. The pain is really fucking brutal. Totally laying me out. I feel like the fibro was better, but the pain was worse. I also under treated the pain this morning in the hopes that optimism and time would help get me through. Afternoon meds are coming up and I’m squirming and nearly crying from the pain. I set myself back a bit. Every time I do the right thing, I get punished. That negative reinforcement is a bitch. I’ve had a pounding headache for most of the day also. I don’t know where that came from, but damn, it’s nasty. Potential pass out from the pain today.
I passed out twice. Came to out of the first one, then about 10 minutes late, I passed out again. Holy fuck, the pain is so overwhelming. This day really got away from me, and I don’t know how. That really rang my bell. My lips are dried out. My water bottle is empty and I couldn’t get up to fill it. It’s only 7:00. How am I going to get through the next several hours? I have no idea.