Wow, where do I start? Fibromyalgia started flaring up at 10:15. No clue why. There is no rhyme or reason to it whatsoever. I can’t avoid it. There is no cause for these flare ups. My pain didn’t increase, I didn’t eat any foods that might have caused it, I took loads of magnesium. No known reason for fibromyalgia flare ups happened yesterday that could have caused it. But it keeps happening, over and over. I couldn’t sleep because of it, then woke up at 7, which was about 4 hours of shitty sleep. I got up to use the bathroom and found I couldn’t walk, so I collapsed back into bed. Couldn’t fall back to sleep, so I turned the TV on, took a muscle relaxer and ibuprofen, and finally fell asleep after an hour an a half. I got maybe another hour of sleep. When I woke up, I was able to walk finally, so now my day begins. When I was in bed unable to sleep, I couldn’t help but think about all the ways this spine injury and the pain have completely ruined my life. All the things it has stolen from me. There is so much. The list is endless. So I decided to start a blog post about all those things. It will no doubt be super painful to write, but now I feel like I need to do it.
I just wrote a blog post about how going through pain like this every day feels like being forced to run a marathon every day. That was painful to write. I wrote about a quarter of the other post about all the things I lost. I had to stop that for a while. I’m also realizing I need to stop being at all optimistic. Stop planning for better days or thinking better days will come. That ALWAYS fails. Every time. It might take a few days, but the worst always happens, so it’s best if I’m prepared for it as much as I can be. Only expecting the worst and being pleasantly surprised is a better way to go.
Made it to the store, and that burned all the ability I have for the day. Back to the couch to ride out the rest of the day and try to prepare for the horror that awaits me tomorrow.