Fibromyalgia is absolutely horrifying today. Sleep was really weird. I guess I’m not surprised. I have no idea what caused this. This is the first horrifying day I’ve had in maybe a week, so I’m grateful for that. Before the diet changes I used to get 5 of these days a week.
I wrote the above paragraph right after I woke up. I don’t remember writing it. I came to write pretty much the same thing and found I had already done it. I have to find a reason for these flare ups. This is absolute insanity. How do I have a monster flare up for no reason?
What a brutal day. I don’t know what hit me. I’ve been lost all day. This has been so completely overwhelming. I really wish I knew why this flare up hit me. It’s not a pain issue. I just can’t imagine what caused it, and as usual, I have no clue how to end it. Not that I even have the ability to do anything. I’ve just been hanging on for dear life. I’m dehydrated because I can’t get up to refill my water bottle. I managed to force down some fruit this morning, but I haven’t eaten anything else all day.
I really don’t understand this flare. It’s one of the worst I’ve ever had. Yesterday was such a good day. I got enough sleep last night. There is no fucking reason at all for this. I just had a flare 2 days ago. This is just absolute fucking madness. That part is the insult added to the injury.
After my afternoon meds, I managed to shower and eat. I had to force the food down. Thankfully I got that stuff done, but I think this is all I’m going to get today. 5:45 and the meds are wearing off and the fibromyalgia is coming back around in full force. I feel like I’m going to pass out. I’m struggling trying to avoid it.
Wow. I didn’t pass out, but I really don’t remember the last half hour. Sometimes when I do pass out, the fibro flare starts to pass afterwards. Hopefully that’s what will happen now. I’m still not out of the woods yet though. This is why it’s better to actually pass out. It acts as a sort of hard reset.
The longest decent streak I’ve ever had was 6 days, and in the last year, I’ve only been able to get 4 in a row. I’m at 1 decent week, but I’ve had 3 flares within that week. I fear my one week is up and things are going to go back to my horrifying normal. I think I’ve had my decent days and things are just tipping back to shitsville. This happens every single time. Of all the things I’ve tried, nothing has lasted more than a few days. I get a boost from doing something new, but it never lasts. The fibromyalgia always comes back and it always wins. This is one of the most insidious and aggressive diseases out there, and nobody gives a shit about it. Nobody will help. Nobody even offered to diagnose me. Nobody offered any ways to relieve the flare ups or to prevent them. All I can do is feel my way around in the dark and simply survive. There is no thriving for me. “I don’t live, I inhale”.