Still in the same flare up. It hasn’t gotten worse, but not better either. It’s basically just stabilized. I feel like I’m finally starting to understand the fibromyalgia flare ups a bit better. This last week hasn’t been constant, multiple flare ups. It has only been one flare up that just won’t go away. 2 weeks ago, I had low/no fibromyalgia symptoms. It seems it’s mostly luck that the flare ups calm down. I have no clue how to lessen the severity or the duration of them. Preventing them is of course an entirely different struggle altogether.
I think I had that decent week because I was eating a diet that was low in foods that potentially cause inflammation. There is a long list of foods people eliminate from their diets, but the ones I’ve been focused on lately are: Gluten, dairy, and nightshade vegetables. I’ve been keeping a diet log so I can try to find correlations. The day before the monster flare up, I ate tomatoes. That’s the only thing that could have caused inflammation. Beyond that it’s entirely a crap shoot. And why do the flares not calm down when eliminating these foods?
I’ve been defining some of my days as “decent” for a while. These are days that are not good, but not horrible. I’m probably still bed-bound and can’t do much, but these are days where I can get by without my mind breaking. I feel like the high fibromyalgia days are the bad days. The days like today where the fibro is still very active, but somewhat manageable would be decent days. Days like 2 weeks ago where I had no fibro – even if the pain is bad and it’s a difficult day to manage – those are good days. Days where I feel like a normal human being with proper emotions and physical ability don’t exist for me, so it’s not worth naming those.
None of this means anything without getting pain relief, or without having any kind of control over the fibromyalgia. If I were able to get a couple weeks of even decent days without re-flaring, then it might be worth something. If I could get a week of good days, it might mean something. Without any results, there’s no point to any of this.
Things are ramping up in the afternoon. I think it’s another flare up, but I’m not sure yet. I usually don’t realize it until I’m well into the flare. Must be some sort of wishful thinking or copium. As usual, I have no clue what is causing this. It’s just random chaos with no reason or cause. How the fuck can I live my life with this happening so regularly? It’s completely impossible to make any kind of progress. There is nothing I can do to prevent it, nothing to do to stop it, nothing to predict it, nothing to make it easier to get through. I never know when it will hit, but I know it always WILL hit. It never stops. I know it’s not food related this time because I haven’t eaten anything all day. I think I’m just about finished with the diet experiments. Nothing has helped, nothing has made it worse.