Well, I woke up entirely too early today, but I realized the night felt like it flew by. I don’t remember parts of the night’s sleep, which usually means I got better quality sleep. Normally I wake up 75 times throughout the night and I remember nearly every minute passing. It’s quite painful in its own way. Sleep is supposed to be a time to recharge and recover from the day. When you live every minute of it and wake up constantly, it becomes just another annoying, painful part of your day that you wish would just end. You should want bed time and sleep to continue because it’s so good and relaxing and refreshing.

Anyway, I had a couple hours where I tipped in the wrong direction last night. I had 1 chocolate chip cookie. The day before the bad day that I had a couple days ago, I had some chocolatey stuff. Some people say chocolate is fine, some people say it’s not. Some say it’s the sugar and dairy in the chocolate that causes the problem. It’s not like I’m a chocoholic or anything. It’s an occasional thing. I was avoiding it while I was on my diet changes over the last couple months, and I still have lots of fibromyalgia flares. It’s certainly not the only problem, but it’s one potential issue. It’s never as easy as “just do this” or “just avoid this”. “Just” is a dangerous word when you’re disabled.

If I have a good day, I might test it out later on. Eat 1 cookie again and see what happens. It gave me about 2 difficult hours last night, but it wasn’t that bad. And if I know there is an end to the suffering, I’m OK with it. Not having any end to the suffering, and not having any gain to the pain is what causes problems. I’m happy to take pain if there is gain, but this random, nonsensical pain without cause or reason really scrambles my brain.

Took care of some admin stuff and did a church walk. Pain is creeping up as the day goes on. I’m feeling that early wake up. That extra time awake really adds to the cumulative pain tally. I will be horizontal very soon. It’s messing with my medications today also. I’ve been struggling since I got home. I don’t feel terrible. I think it’s just a medication issue right now. I need to fix that soon, or else it could turn bad.

Pain is really high in the evening. It’s kind of freaking me out and I feel like I’m on the edge. I’m using the momentum of the last couple days to try to coast through it, but if it doesn’t get better, tomorrow will be a very difficult day. I’m not sure I can even make it that long. Full on flare up is imminent.

By Del

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