What a night last night. I was way off the rails. Major depression and anxiety. I’m not sure where that came from. I felt it ramping up, but there was nothing I could do about it. I tried going for a walk, but I couldn’t walk very much. I started getting that claustrophobic feeling. I feel boxed in. I need to get out and walk, but I’m physically unable. Bad place to be. All it can do is magnify the anxiety. I had a really hard time getting to sleep because of it. I’m really tired this morning, although I got some sleep in the end. Today feels like pure aftershocks. Spine pain has been super high for the last few days. It feels better first thing this morning, but that can change. The headache I’ve had for 3 days feels better, but not gone.
Went to the store. It wasn’t urgent, but I really just wanted to get out of the house. My back felt decent for the first part. By the end I was super tired. My legs were hurting and I couldn’t wait to get home. I remembered the ice pack this time, thankfully. I’m happy for the distraction. I didn’t get too much good stuff. I’m still afraid to eat certain foods. It’s in my head, even though I totally disproved it. I’m terrified to do anything that might increase the pain. The negative reinforcement is a bitch. I start to equate the fibromyalgia flare ups with a certain food I ate or an activity I did. It’s the logical thing to do, but there is no logic in this disease. It hits whenever it wants to, and it goes away whenever it wants to. I’ve tested every single thing I can think of, and everything I’ve found in fibromyalgia support forums, and I can’t find any connections. But I still am terrified to eat anything or do any physical activity.
Got in a church walk. My god is it oppressively hot outside. You can really feel the heat trapped in the humidity. Why on earth would people want to live in this sort of climate? I want to go back to Northern California where it’s normal. Weather and EVERYTHING else. Still, I would rather be healthy and out in this nonsensical weather than deal with what I go through every day.
More anxiety today. It started in the late afternoon. I haven’t dealt with this consistently for a while. I know the reasons, and I think it will even out in a couple more days, but it’s tough to deal with when it’s here. As usual, I just want to sleep. I’m always so tired. Exhausted really.