Not a bad day yesterday. One of those days where I had to work hard to get something out of it, and I did. Those are very hard days, but I was able to play some games and go for a couple walks. If that’s the best I get out of a day, then that’s OK. That’s a good day for me. I can’t do that every day, so I’m happy to get it when I can. Today feels the same so far. I’ll have to work hard to get something out of this one. It gets tiring, but I’m here for it yesterday and today.
Did a short walk and played 20 minutes of games earlier. I’m forcing things a bit, but it feels OK. I’m in a decent mood for some reason, so it feels good to do things I enjoy. I rarely get a chance to do them. So I don’t know if I’m in a decent mood because I’m doing things I like, or if I’m doing things I like because I’m in a decent mood. It can work both ways. I wish I could bottle it and use it when I need it.
There’s this sort of nerve pain in the base of my spine that makes my eyes cross if I stop to focus on it. I am desperately trying to ignore it and act like it doesn’t exist. I used to be able to do that in the past. That’s how I always got by. There came a point though where I couldn’t do that anymore. Now I typically just don’t have the mental energy needed to do it. It takes a ton of mental energy. Once you get on the bad side of that line, it’s pretty impossible to get back on the good side. I’ve been on the good side for the last couple days. I’m only here because the fibromyalgia is allowing it. Usually that will hit within a few days and completely demoralize me. Sleep has been difficult because of the pain breaking through. You can’t use that mental energy to ignore the pain while you’re asleep. Plus laying in the same position for long periods of time tends to increase the pain. As long as I get enough sleep, even if it’s bad, I can get by. I’m always trying to be aware of good sleep hygiene. In the meantime, I’ve played some games and done some walks. I take the decent days when I get them, or when I can make them.