Every time I really need sleep to get back on track, it never happens. It’s like a 100% failure rate. I guess it makes sense. When I’m in a shit ton of pain, I don’t sleep. Although it seems like I’m in a bad sleep cycle. I’m falling asleep really easily. The first part of the night is OK, but then I start waking up every 10 minutes, and then I eventually stop falling back to sleep, which means I wake up too early. I think this pattern will go away in another 5 days or so. This feels like one of my typical patterns and not the insane sleep deprivation I had around the time of the procedures I had.
The flare up felt better last night. I though that was going to be it, but now this morning it feels like it’s back. Maybe it will fade away throughout the day today. I need to put this one behind me. I can’t have it keep lingering around for days and days.
Today is 4 weeks post op from the last RF ablation procedure I had. I don’t think I feel any better for it. I felt like I was feeling a little bit better, but I think that was because of all the ice packs I’ve been using. I’m using 10-12 ice packs a day, and that’s really the only thing carrying me. I don’t think the ablation is giving me relief. If this is a failure, I think my pain management doctor will dump me. He was all out of ideas when I met him, so I don’t think he’ll have any more ideas left. I pushed him to do this procedure. I’ll have to find another pain management doctor in that case, and I’ll mostly be on my own dealing with this, which is what I’ve been doing anyway.
I think Social Security is waiting for the outcome of the follow up appointment with the pain management doctor. They don’t seem to be in any kind of hurry making a decision on my case. I feel like if I tell my doctor I feel better, then they will deny my claim. It’s already been 9 months. They should approve it now. Even if I feel better at the follow up appointment in October, that doesn’t mean I’m all better and able to go back to work. There is still a lot of recovery and rehabilitation to do, and I need to keep doing these procedures every 6 months, and they have a 5 week recovery. And even if I feel better in October, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been totally disabled for the last 2 years. They still owe me back pay for that. It would be absolute bullshit if they do what I think they’re planning on doing. On top of that, they would be delaying the decision for an extra 2 months or so by waiting for the outcome of the follow up appointment. I’ve jumped through all their hoops already. Even their stooge doctors they sent me to agreed that I was totally disabled, mentally and physically. This whole SSD process has been absolute bullshit, and if they do what I think they’re doing, then that is the biggest piece of horse shit I will have ever seen. These systems aren’t broken, they’re designed for failure.
Then on the flip side, if the procedure doesn’t work, insurance won’t approve another one. They want nearly 100% pain relief from these procedures in order to approve a second one. Even if it helps a little bit, and I get like 50% relief, which would be huge for me, they won’t approve another procedure. So I’m kind of damned if I do, damned if I don’t. How is everything so broken? How is anyone supposed to get treatment, heal, get better, get back to work? How is anyone supposed to survive this? All I can do is be honest and keep asking for help. I’m not going to lie in order to game the system. I’ve had doctors who have done that, and it hurt me. The doctor who did the spinal cord stimulator trial did that, and that’s what set off this never ending fibromyalgia cycle that’s been going on for 2 years now. I won’t do that. If the ablation doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work. There won’t be much of a point in repeating it if it doesn’t work. I’ll need to find another pain management doctor who will come up with better ideas. That probably puts me back another 2 years with our insurance and medical systems.
I feel like I haven’t slept at all in 3 days. I feel so incredibly tired, groggy, drowsy, but I can’t sleep. This is exactly the way psych meds make me feel when I start off on them. Spaced out, foggy, tired, but totally unable to sleep or move past that spaciness and fog. The messed up thing is that I didn’t feel any kind of increase in my pain levels when this happened. I feel like my pain levels have been the same for a week now. Very consistent. Bad, yes, but with the use of all my ice packs, I feel like it has been controlled well enough. So where does this flare up come from? How has it lasted 3 days now without letting up?