Still crappy sleep and an early wake up, but I feel better. The fibro flare up is fading. Lots of aftershocks right now. I just want to sit here and recover. I don’t want to move, but I need to. It’s so incredibly difficult to go from pure survival mode to go mode. How do you go from passing out on the floor, to going for walks, or getting on the exercise bike, overnight? It’s impossible to shift the inertia like that. It’s like stopping a speeding car by grabbing onto the hood by hand and pushing against it, stopping it, then pushing it back the other way at high speed. You have to perform a miracle twice a week.
Temperatures hitting 90F today and tomorrow. What is wrong with this place? We only have 12 hours of daylight, how is it 90? First little bit of rain in a month. I have issues with heat, so this never ending summer just kills me. It’s another insurmountable hurdle I have to get over. It turns that speeding car into a speeding train. San Francisco has a high of 64F today. That’s normal weather. No humidity either. I can get outside and move in that kind of weather. I wish I was there. I wish I can have my whole life transported back home.
Went for a church walk, and holy fuck is it hot out there. The sun was burning my face. Now that we got a tiny bit of ran, the wind died off, and it is so ridiculously humid outside. I had a hard time breathing the air it’s so bad. Why on earth would anyone choose to live in this crap hole place? I only came here to be close to my dad. I needed family support for my disability, and that has turned out to be a giant failure. Nobody wants to help at all. Nobody even wants to hear about it. I could have been on my own in Fort Bragg. I would have had better support in the Bay Area. What a giant mistake I made coming here. And I can’t remedy that mistake anytime soon. I’m stuck here. I need to continue down this healthcare path, I need money in order to move. I need a job in order to support myself and to get an apartment in California. There is no easy way out of this anytime soon. Not even close. That gives me a lot of anxiety.