Well, I got an email from SSD this morning. Thankfully it didn’t take 30 days to get it. My application has been denied. There is no information on the website. They will send out some information in the mail in a week or two. I expected this, but it doesn’t make it any easier. They deny about 80% of first time applicants. Even though everything was in order, they still denied it. The company stooge doctors they sent me to even agreed that I was disabled, but they still denied it. It’s crazy how this system works. I regularly pass out on my floor from pain, but they say I’m able to work somehow. At this point I need help figuring out how to move forward. Do I need an attorney at this point? Appeals can take 2-5 years. The system is designed for this. Most people give up at this point, and that’s mainly the point. Insurance companies do the same thing. Attorneys get $9200 out of your claim. Ouch. I’ll wait until I get the denial letter in the mail with the explanation before I see an attorney. 10 months waiting for this. This ruins my day!
I just went out for a walk. I did it with pure piss and vinegar. It hurts a lot now that I’m home. I almost feel embarrassed for this, and I can’t explain why. Like when I called pain management clinics near my home and asked if they took my Medicaid insurance and they laughed at me. That same feeling, even though I did nothing wrong and both of these things are wrong. I guess they expect me to work somehow when I pass out on my living room floor twice a week from pain. I don’t know how to accomplish that, but OK. I guess I’ll just get fired a lot. Hopefully it doesn’t mess up my health insurance situation.
Well, I just got the letter in the mail. I didn’t expect it for a couple weeks. It says I’m not disabled based on the medical records and based on the evaluations by their company stooge doctors. This is very strange to me because all my doctors say I’m disabled, and the stooge doctors told me the same thing as well. At least this seems like it would be easily appealable. How can they say I’m not disabled when everyone I’ve had contact with says I am? Lawyers cost $9200, and the appeal can take 2-5 years. I believe this is all by design. They want people to give up and figure something else out. It’s not broken, it’s designed for failure. Insurance companies do the same thing. They can outlast any patient and there are no laws requiring anyone to provide any kind of level of service. This kind of thing seems like it would be easily beatable on appeal. It seems like they made a mistake, but completing that appeal will take a couple years, and I cannot last that long. Most people can’t. This is what they count on. Even though I and others like me would probably win on appeal, not many will actually go through the appeals process because they simply can’t afford to wait that long. I will be bankrupt well before 2 years. And if I do go and find some kind of work, then that completely kills my chances for success because they will reference that and say, “See, you are capable of working.” It doesn’t matter if I work 20 jobs in a year because I get fired, it doesn’t matter if I pass out on my living room floor because of extreme pain, it doesn’t matter that it’s not gainful employment. I don’t see why we have these systems if they are solely designed for failure. It would be so much better to not even offer the benefits in the first place. How many poor bastards like me have to go through this circus of a process, only to be denied? How many people turn to illegal activities because that’s the only thing they can manage? How many people don’t even make it through the year? Even if this decision was made in error, they still get away with it the majority of the time because most people don’t bother appealing, so they make the decision to deny systematically. How is this allowed? I have to will my way out of this at a time when the pain makes me insane and isn’t manageable for more than 4 minutes without an ice pack.
A week or two ago I wrote about what the ice packs were doing to my back. They have been giving me welts. The ice packs are like big bubble wrap filled with fluid. I put them down the back of my pants, and the tighter they are against my back, the better. When they are super cold, the bubble parts press into my back really hard and they have been causing welts. Some of the welts have erupted and the skin broke open. It has been super painful to use Icy Hot or magnesium oil. It stings very badly. most of the pain is gone now though. I’ve been doing things a little differently to prevent more of this. If you look closely you can see some very old welts that are now just small red or blue dots. I blurred out my butt crack so nobody vomits when they see it, but I left in my surgery scars. This is what I have to do just to survive. This is one of the side effects (and I’ll gladly take it for just a few minutes of pain relief). These are the ice packs I use. I actually recommend them. They stay cold longer than any other ice pack and they freeze my back better also.
Just took a walk and nearly got run over while I was in a crosswalk with my cane. I yelled at the guy who had his window open, and he didn’t even look. He didn’t swerve to avoid me either. He just didn’t care. Why do I believe people will care about me and my disability? Especially here in WonderBreadLand™? If anything, I need to use this place as a reminder that I am on my own and nobody will help me but me. I’m used to people in California being good people and wanting to help, so naturally I expect people here to do it also, but that isn’t going to happen here. Nobody here cares about anything but themselves. I need to help myself since nobody else will, so I need to follow the example set here and worry about myself. Though I don’t know how to will my way out of this mess.
Also, they are repairing sidewalks in the neighborhood and they have sidewalks on both sides of all the streets closed. No disabled access anywhere.