I ended up getting a few short walks in yesterday. I was full of piss and vinegar after my bad news. I mostly just needed to get out of the house, but it was also good to burn off the anger and anxiety. I ended up passing right out when I hit the bed and I slept pretty well. I was up for an hour, but I got back to sleep. I’m pretty beat this morning from yesterday’s effort. My entire back was on fire last night from the effort, and I used some magnesium oil. It eased all that achy pain in 10 minutes. If I use it sparingly, the magnesium oil can work miracles sometimes. If I use it every day, I don’t notice any help anymore. I guess I just get used to it. Some people use it for sleep also.
My left knee has been hurting for a while from my walks. I paid close attention to it just now on a walk and I noticed I’m flicking my foot out and mildly hyper-extending my knee. I’ve had knee and foot/ankle issues in the past because of the nerve weakness down my legs. Plus the constant over compensating for the spine pain adds to the mix. I always have to be on guard for every little thing. A scratch on my arm can practically push me over the edge. When you live totally in the margins, it doesn’t take much to derail you.
I played some video games today. Catching up on side quests and random stuff. I used to love exploring and finding all the weird side missions in the game. I’ve lost the love for it, and sitting at my desk hurts my back so bad that I can’t do it anymore. I associate playing games with insane nerve pain now, so there’s a negative reinforcement thing happening – for one of the things I enjoy doing most. So when I can actually get in some time and enjoy the games, that’s a good thing. I suck now because I’m so rusty, but that’s OK.