My dad called last night. First time I’ve spoken to him in about a month. He used to check on me more often, but not so much anymore. I told him about my disability being denied, and he said, “What am I going to do with you?” I answered, “Help me. Help find me a doctor that will treat me.” He immediately changed the subject. I texted something similar to my brother a couple months ago, and never heard back. It’s unreal how clueless these guys are. To me, it seems like they just don’t care. They have always been like this. It made moving away from them and going to San Francisco so much easier knowing there wasn’t anything here holding me back. It’s also so dangerous to treat someone like me this way. People like me need help. It’s difficult to ask, but when someone like me asks, it’s very important to respond. I know nobody will help me. Nobody ever has, and that’s fine. My point here is that if you have a loved one asking for help, then give the help. People are proud and stubborn. They don’t ask unless they really, really, really need it. Neglecting them is dangerous. Don’t treat your loved ones dangerously.
My left knee is really bothering me. It doesn’t take much activity for me to hurt parts of my body. I just tested it out and it feels pretty bad. I ordered a brace that should prevent hyper extension. Even if that works, it will still take a solid week for it to recovery. Knee issues are pretty awful. Hard to walk without knees. I’m trying to get something going here. Trying to walk more, game more. I’m putting out a lot of effort right now, and if it fails, that sets me back a couple months. It’s important to pay super close attention to things like my knee to make sure I have all the opportunity I can get.
Well, the brace isn’t working. It’s designed completely wrong. It actually encourages hyper extension. Who designs this stuff? Certainly not someone with knee issues. It is so fucking hot outside right now after the morning rain we got. The sun is as hot as in July, and it’s just as humid. The temperature is only just coming up too. It’s going to be like 85F tomorrow. When will I be able to wear pants and a jacket? That’s my time to shine. When the temperature finally drops, it will probably rain every day for 2 months, then go below freezing. Not everywhere can be as good as Northern California.
I think I might be in another fibro flare up. I’ve been feeling super exhausted today. I just did a walk and I had that feeling where I felt like I was going to pass out and fall over. I’ve only had 2 or 3 days since the last flare up, which I guess is right on time. Ice packs aren’t helping. I’ll take some magnesium and keep the ice packs going. That’s all I can do.
I had a period of a couple hours where I felt like I was going to pass out. I felt super exhausted, tired. I wasn’t feeling strong spine pain, but I felt like I was in a ton of pain. When the fibromyalgia hits, the pain goes everywhere in my body and I can’t quite pinpoint it very easily anymore. But not the spine pain is back to normal, and I’m not really tired anymore. Very weird.