Yesterday was a really hard day. That flare up taxed me pretty hard. I’m glad I got through it how I did. I pushed hard and I feel like it worked out. I felt all day like I needed some good sleep to fix things, and I never get sleep when I feel like that. If I feel shitty, then I won’t sleep. Simple as that. I had 2 long wake ups in the middle of the night, but I got back to sleep within about a half hour each time, which is good for me, and I feel better first thing in the morning. Once I wake up though, the fibromyalgia has a way of coming back around. The storm isn’t over. It will swing back around and hit me again. This one was pretty bad, so it will keep going.
Now that I’m fully into the day, I can tell how bad the fibro still is. My energy is still all messed up, my head is foggy. I feel totally off. It’s worse than I thought first thing this morning, but I expected it to ramp back up. This happens all the time. I get refreshed a bit from sleep, but once I’m awake I can fully feel it. It’s going to be another rough day today. It feels like a bad hangover. With an actual hangover, maybe I at least had fun last night, but not with fibromyalgia. It’s all downside. And wow, can these flare ups make you feel like it’s the end of the world. The sky is falling for me today. No wonder these things crack me mentally all the time. Especially when I spend 5/7 days a week in a flare up like this. There’s no chance of escaping unharmed.
My god do I need this fucking day to end. Wow, has it been hard. I haven’t had one this hard in a couple weeks. I had some momentum coming into yesterday that helped me coast through part of the day, but not today. This is ridiculous. I feel like I need to pass out, and I’ve felt that way all day. I feel like I’m constantly fighting to keep myself breathing. This will probably go on for at least another day also. I already don’t know how I’m going to get through the rest of the day, so it goes without saying that I have no clue how to tackle tomorrow. I can’t afford to worry about it now. I need to focus all my effort on the next 5 minutes.
That last ice pack was super fucking cold. It totally froze my whole back. Now that I took it off, I feel the spine pain coming right back. This is actually a good sign for the fibromyalgia flare up. When it flares up badly, I can’t really feel localized pain anymore. The pain is everywhere. It’s central. When it starts getting localized again, that’s a sign the flare up might be easing. I’m not holding my breath for it. Just trying to find some hope. Better weather today, so that has been helpful.