I got some decent sleep last night and caught up a bit from all the sleep I missed the night before. Thank goodness. I feel mostly “normal” again, whatever that means. I was a total space cadet yesterday. I got about 2-1/2 hours of sleep. I felt much better than I should have, but now I think that was pure adrenaline and delirium from the severe lack of sleep. Today I don’t feel like I was in any kind of control yesterday. Some sort of auto pilot all day. This entire last week has been pure hell. Massive fibromyalgia flare up, passing out 2 evenings ago, severe lack of sleep yesterday. Wow. I am so fucking burnt. I desperately need some recovery.
I’m antsy, I have some anxious energy, but I’m so tired. Today it’s a good tired. Not from fibromyalgia, not from medications. Just regular tired. I could use a nap today. I feel much more evened out though. Just burned out and tired. I need recovery. I’ve had 7 insanely difficult days in a row. You can’t just get up and go like nothing happened. I’m just enjoying not feeling completely insane from fibro pain.
We’re back to the anxious energy in the evening. This is more of my normal. This morning was a normal person’s normal. I guess we’re back to the crappy grind of trying to survive the days. I’m so tired of this. I’m tired of the dissociative loop. Constantly rubber banding back into the same place. Never progressing. Only slipping deeper and deeper into this disease. This last week has killed all my confidence. It will take time to get it back. This last week was definitely one of the toughest weeks I’ve ever had. I am burnt.