Kind of a repeat of yesterday. Low energy. Foul mood. This is kind of like a hangover from the last week. I’m not sure I’ve felt exactly like this all that much, but I’m not surprised by it.
I’ve been reading a fibromyalgia book, and wow. It’s like reading my own history. Every symptom, every side effect, every hardship. It’s all so spot on. It’s very difficult reading it because I have to have the disaster of my life shown to me in print, but I suppose it’s good that someone out there truly understands the disease.
I keep talking about energy issues, and the book calls fibromyalgia an energy disorder. They also group in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in the same disease for this reason. With this disease, there are some good days mixed in with the bad days. No other disease does that. People are written off as neurotic or sent to psych, but these intermittent good and bad days don’t match those “accusations”. This explains the “psychotic loop” I often talk about. It’s the fluctuation of energy in the body from this disease. It all makes so much sense. I just can’t stop it though.
I’ve been a bit up and down today. I started off super irritable. Raging a bit. That got better mid day. Then in the evening I started feeling kind of shaky. I was worried about that. I’m super sensitive to potential flare ups. This last one totally killed my confidence. Now at night I feel better again. Probably the best I’ve felt all day. Unfortunately that doesn’t mean anything for what’s to come overnight or tomorrow. It could be an absolute shit show right when I wake up. Who knows.