I took the new medication last night and this morning, and I feel completely awful. This could be the worst day so far. It seems I can consistently make the fibromyalgia worse, but I can’t make it better. I’m going to stop the medication for at least 2 days, then ramp back up at smaller doses. I haven’t ever gotten out of this flare up cycle. We’re at 2 weeks today of 9s and 10s, with only 2 days in the middle that weren’t completely oppressive. I am waaaaay over my limit, and I can’t see any relief in sight. All I can do is stop the medication that is making it worse and hope better things happen. I can’t take care of myself in this state. I can’t do anything in this state. Headache started forming this morning and is getting worse. Everything is hitting hard.
Spine pain was off the charts, so I took a muscle relaxant. I woke up at 6 today, so I was super tired too. That gave me about an hour nap. I feel better for the sleep, but I don’t feel better overall. I’m thinking today is the worst day I’ve ever had. That’s saying a lot. I’ve been at a 10 all day. I hope it’s the new medication that is causing this. I cannot handle this level of pain if this is my new normal. I’m pretty sure it’s the medication, so it should ease up. I won’t take it for about a week. I need to let everything purge out and reset. I can’t keep going through this. This is just so completely insane.
My PCP messed up every part of my prescriptions. They sent half of them to the wrong pharmacy, they put in capsules instead of tablets, even though I told them specifically to put in tablets because insurance doesn’t cover the capsules. The other one was held up by insurance. The pharmacy called the doctor’s office, but they don’t answer those calls. They go to voicemail and they never respond. So no Lyrica. Now I have to go back and sort it all out on Monday. Every fucking time with this. No matter how hard I try to keep it on the rails, they always fuck it up, and I don’t have the energy or the ability to follow up. So sick of this shit. I’m blocked at every turn, no matter what it is I try to do.
I had some bad anxiety earlier. I wanted to go out for a walk and some cool air, but I couldn’t move. These are the times I feel claustrophobic. I want to move, but I can’t. I need to, but can’t. All in all, this has been one of the most difficult days of the last couple years. It caps off 14 days of pure hell. I can’t seem to pull out of this insanity. I think at least some of it is caused by the new medication. If that’s true, then that’s a good thing. I can simply stop the medication. It’s supposed to get worse before it gets better, but it’s not supposed to be this bad. I think I am just more advanced than the average patient. I’m so far down the road, it will take a couple months just to get me to some sort of baseline where the average patient lives. If I had ever had good doctors in my life, they would have diagnosed me years ago, and I could have started on a treatment way back then. I’ve lost half of my life to this disease already. I’ve lost careers, jobs, girlfriends, homes, money, sanity. The list goes on. But here I am…I can’t even get a regular prescription to go through properly. All this could have been possibly avoided with competent doctors. Too bad they don’t seem to exist anymore.