More horror. I woke up at 6am and I could feel it. This is now day 16 of this. Pretty much 9s and 10s every day. Lovely start to the day when you wake up early and all you can feel is horror. I’ve never had 16 days in a row of constant fibromyalgia flare. I’ve always had breaks. Yesterday was better, but that was because I stopped taking the new medication. Why is it flaring back up right now then? I don’t have any medication to quit today. I don’t have any tricks up my sleeve to help get through today. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to make this stop. And I need it to stop right now.
I really needed today to be a better day. Yesterday started to get better as the day went on. All I need is a break in the fibromyalgia and I get better pretty quickly. Not better enough to be a normal, functional person, but good enough to get by. Today has just been horrifying from the second I woke up. I guess I rolled right into another flare up. If the prior two weeks have been caused by the new medication, and I stopped that a couple days ago, then why is this happening now? Just going back to my normal shit show cycle of insanity and fibromyalgia flare ups? I don’t understand how this is working. I just need a fucking breather. I’ve been saying for over a week that my brain is totally fried from this super oppressive and horrifying pain. And there is no end in sight. If this is a normal flare up, these usually last for at least 3 days. I have to keep looking forward to some day in the future that maybe will be better. It’s a type of foolish optimism that I’m required to have. It’s basically living in denial, but with a purpose, because I have to so I don’t lose my mind, which might be too late anyway.
I’ve been catching myself holding my breath today. That happens at high pain levels. I’ve also had some mild tremors. That’s not very normal, but happens only at high pain levels. I very much dislike when that happens. I need to pass out. That will lead to an awful night afterwards, but it usually seems to reset my brain and I often feel better the next day. I don’t feel like I need to yet, but the day is not over.