Better day today. It feels like I felt 2 days ago. I thought that was the recovery starting up, but then things went to shit yesterday. I feel so burned out right now. I need this recovery time. I don’t want to move right now because I’m so fried. I just want to chill and enjoy not being in a horribly panic. When you go from horrifying pain like yesterday morning to today, it’s almost like a loud noise has been silenced. There’s this feeling where you just know it’s different. Something is missing. It’s a sort of sixth sense, but I most closely equate it to a very loud noise. Once that noise stops, you can breathe again and you’re grateful for some quiet. I need to try to get the doctor on the phone to fix my prescription issues. I imagine that will be nearly impossible to make happen. There is nothing good about having Medicaid. *Oh, well that was easy. I just called and the phone number is out of service!! Exactly the sort of thing I expected. I guess that means I don’t have a primary care doctor anymore?
Trying to change my primary doctor through the insurance portal. How do you think that’s going? Find New Doctor -> Rendering Error Occurred. Blocked at every step. No matter what I try to do. I’m blocked every time. This happens at least 95% of the times I try to help myself. The paranoid psychotic part of me thinks someone is actively working against me. The sane, rational side of me tells me to chill out and forget about it. I’ve gotten better at ignoring it, but it’s so very hard to forget.
Pain management doctor follow up appointment tomorrow. My guess is that this is the appointment where my doctor tells me there’s nothing more he can do for me. I shouldn’t be disappointed by it because I fully expect it, but I’m sure I’ll be disappointed. I’ve known all along that I was alone in this fight, but when the people who are supposed to do their jobs and help you don’t want to do their jobs or help you, it really hurts. It cuts off that one bit of hope you were hanging on to. Also, no response from the attorney I contacted today. I got through to the PCP’s office finally, but no reply from them either! Blocked at every turn!