Definitely a flare up yesterday. It started mild, surged to moderate for a while, then maybe eased up. Even mild flare ups really get to me right now. I have no tolerance for it. The evening medication didn’t affect it at all. The fact that it got worse, then better makes me think the medication is causing it. I’m kind of frozen this morning. A bit paralyzed from the pain. It’s more painful today than foggy in the head. Yesterday was more foggy. Hopefully it doesn’t last long. It could last for weeks if the previous pattern repeats. I won’t be able to handle that, unfortunately.
I just got up to go to the bathroom and now I can feel the fog hitting my head. This is the medication ramping up. We’re definitely in a moderate flare now, and still climbing. Time to stop the medication already? How can I not even survive on half of the minimum dose? This came on pretty rapidly and is ramping up really fast. I won’t be able to maintain for much longer. I guess I start the 2 or 3 days off the meds now. I’m getting to the point where I want to stop this experiment altogether. I’m trusting pseudo science and people on the internet with this protocol. I have no other options though, so I have to go down every rabbit hole and try every snake oil cure there is.
Well, this has boiled over really quickly. I was sitting at my desk a while ago and felt like I needed to drop to the floor and pass out. I was able to fight through it though. When it’s really bad, there is no fighting it. It just happens. If I still have any kind of control over it, that means it’s only a moderate flare. Or like an 8 or 9, and not a 10. Still impossible to deal with though.
I’m so foggy today. This has been so painful. Still not the worst flare I’ve had, but still so difficult to get through. Still impossible. This medication is killing me. I felt like I was better off before I started it. I’m still waiting for the payoff from this suffering. They say it’s suffering for a purpose. Gain for the pain. But I haven’t seen any evidence of it. I’ve suffered so much that I’m broken and can’t get myself back together.