That ramp up in pain and fibro led to a lot of anxiety last night. I don’t deal with it constantly, thankfully, but boy is it difficult when it does hit. I woke up a handful of times in the middle of the night and had a hard time getting back to sleep. Sometime around 5:00 I could feel the anxiety had mellowed out. I managed to get enough sleep in the end, but it’s still a difficult day.
I’m just so tired. Tired of not sleeping, tired of being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Tired of the pain. Tired of everything I have to do to try to simply survive my days. Tired of being forced to fight every minute of every day. The longest stretch of decent days in a row I’ve had in the last year and a half has been 4. Even those days are a difficult fight – just a different type. I’m tired of talking about it, tired of writing about it. Tired of not getting any medical care.
Full on flare this evening. I’m surprised it wasn’t 100% this morning. It’s been up there for a while today. What I would do for a whole week of good days. This is the kind of night where I don’t know how I’m going to get through. It’s 8:00 now so at least there are only a few more hours to go, but these last few hours of the day are often the most difficult to deal with. Night time always brings the full on shitstorm, no matter what mental/medical health issues you deal with.