Another day, another chance to expend large amounts of effort only to stay in the same place and not make any progress. This puts me into a dissociative loop. Over and over, again and again. It’s so exhausting. At this point I’m fighting just to keep my head above water – and partially failing. When you spend all your effort just keeping yourself from drowning, how do you ever get to shore?
I don’t remember much about yesterday, and that’s probably a good thing. I ended up sleeping pretty well. My brain and body finally responded to the trauma the correct way. I read up about passing out from fibromyalgia and it looks like it’s actually a dangerous thing. It could cause actual harm. That’s a fun thing to know! Especially when I can’t do anything about it. I felt better after waking up, but that was just a boost from the sleep. The fibro flare is coming back now as the day progresses. It looks like it’s going to ramp back up pretty bad, but probably not as bad as yesterday.
It’s been a difficult day. Medications haven’t helped really. It’s been a much better day than yesterday. Yesterday was just brutal. I’m thankful that flare didn’t last longer than it did. Today was really a recovery day, but I treated it more like a decent day, and that’s probably going to hurt me. I played some games and did some things I wanted to do. It’s rare that I get to do things I want. It’s super helpful for recovering some mental energy, but when you sacrifice pain control to get it, it really just comes out even at best.